Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen

27 Nov

That’s right, it’s time to finish off our slow-motion suicide! WELCOME TO INTERNET CAMPFIRE TALES, WHERE BEN IS JUST GONNA KEEP ON DROWNIN’!

internet_campfire_tales

Previously, on BEN DrownedHmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s happened thus far.

let's drown ben

There we go!

Ahem!

“11:55am – There’s an entire video summary of a video that I don’t remember doing. Reading through the summary, this sounds morbid – resembling my dream from two nights ago except on a far more sadistic scale – these Moon Children, there’s something more to them, almost as if they’re another entity from Ben.”

Wow, nice blatant sequel set-up. Hah hah, I’m just kidding, there isn’t a BEN Drowned sequel!

Right?

T- there’s nothing after this story, right?

WHY DO I KEEP EXPECTING YOU PEOPLE TO RESPOND.

“Something happened last night that I can’t remember. “

Considering what’s happened the rest of the story, I have a feeling we could guess.

hey hey

Yeah, that sounds about right.

“I’m posting the fourth summary to the forums now. Shadow of my chair moved.”

What a… pointless detail to include. “And then I microwaved a Hot Pocket… but it beeped two seconds before the timer finished!”

“12:00pm – Ben won’t let me visit YouTube. I can browse the rest of the sites, but he keeps on exiting the window when I go to YouTube. Why?”

Oh god, please tell me you visited some kind of porn site, I would pay so much money to see BEN have to react to porn.

jeff

“2:02pm – I’m feeling the air start to constrict, I don’t think I’m alone here. Whatever “aura” has been here is getting more violent.”

Man, when MY air starts to constrict, it’s usually a sign that a date is going really well.

“2:44pm – I’m trying to contact Ben on Cleverbot, he’s not responding. I just get the AI.”

Aww, lover’s spat.

“3:51pm – My ears aren’t fooling me, I’m hearing the reverse Song of Healing. I keep hearing it.”

Either that or you’re an extra strength bag of crazy!

“4:23pm – Now I’m positive of it, earlier I thought it was a weird coincidence, but just now I went to open my window, and three floors down at ground level I saw the old man.”

Oh, right, there’s an old man in this story! At the length this is taking, I’m surprised he hasn’t keeled over from old age.

“I’m completely positive I did. The same guy. He was just staring up at my window, standing in the middle of campus. If any students took notice of him they didn’t seem to acknowledge it.”

That’s not a supernatural thing, that’s just something old people do.

“That’s where my notes end. I fled my room, taking the cartridge with me. I don’t want to go into details of what happened, I’ll lose my train of thought as I hammer out these last details.”

Why do I have the feeling “don’t want to go into details” was taken as a dare?

“It’s been roughly two days since then. This is my last summary and service to you, of the final video you guys saw – Matt.wmv.”

Actually, THIS was the last video I saw.

But I’m sure that’s just as good.

“The last video entry I made, Matt.wmv, began as normal. I was spawned in Clock Town as usual and nothing seemed to be out of place, determined to set things right and play the Oath to Order ontop of the Clock Tower on the 4th day, I prepared myself.”

Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no no. We’re back at the stupid summary bits?! EVERYONE EVACUATE! WOMEN AND CRITIC’S FIRST!

“I sped up time and got to the final day, making my way to the observatory. As I got up to the telescope room and approached the astromer, he would not let me look into his telescope.”

Well, obviously, you’ve got to take a boy out for a few drinks before he’ll let you look into his telescope.

“He told me that it would be cheating and that I should follow the rules. Despite my repeated efforts, the game would not let me do the 4th day glitch, no matter how hard or what I tried, I tried working around the game and doing the glitch, but it was adament this time.”

Oh, great, BEN’s throwing a tantrum. OUR ANTAGONIST, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

this problem

“Regardless of if I simply had the illusion of free will in prior games, this time the game became more aggressive than anything I’ve ever seen. It eventually told me to go to Ikana Canyon, where the game would end and it would stop haunting me, anxious and desperate to end this nightmare I played the song of soaring and ended up there.”

This is the worst treasure hunt ever.

“I was told to check my inventory, that I would find the answers there to end the game. I arrived at Ikana Canyon and saved my progress at the owl statue. As I searched through my inventory, I finally noticed that I was missing a reoccurring song – the Elegy of Emptiness.”

I swear to god, if you summon that thing, I will bake cupcakes with your skull.

[Editor’s Note: … What does that even mean?]

It means something that I can’t say in polite company. It also means that I will bake cupcakes with his skull.

“Obviously once I traveled there and learned the song, I suppose that was the last thing it needed before BEN decided it had had enough fun playing with me. Ben is a manipulator; he tries to fool his victims into security and makes you drop your guard like a venus fly trap, he ensares them. I am nothing but a puppet to him, he enjoys seeing what kind of human emotions he can tap into by doing different things.”

Just… just leave. Seriously, dude. Just… leave. It’s tied to the cartridge and your computer, so just… just leave. Come on. I am begging you. This is the only eldritch horror that could be destroyed by waving a magnet in his general direction.

“NO SHUT UP I AM FEARSOME.”

“There are still some things about this whole experience that still don’ t make sense, but then again I never was good at figuring out these things and I’m not exactly in the right state of mind to, I’m giving you all the pieces of the puzzle for you to analyze and piece together the missing links.”

Oh, fuck me, there’s going to be test?!

“I am typing these “closing thoughts” on the library computer on campus, and I’ve emailed myself the notes I have stored on my “infected” computer from the last four days.”

WAIT.

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.

I WAS JUST BEING SNARKY.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME.

THAT THIS ENTIRE PROBLEM COULD HAVE BEEN SOLVED BY JUST USING DIFFERENT ELECTRONICS.

I DON’T EVEN-

THAT’S JUST SO-

ARGH!

“I’m then going to combine those copy/paste those notes with the “closing/openings” that I’ve typed here on the safe, public computer into one text document – I’m not taking any chances spreading Ben, I would not wish this horrible torment on anyone and I’ve made sure to have my bases covered here.”

Ouch. Harsh burns, dude. Somewhere, BEN cries a single, bloody tear.

“I didn’t run into any problems with Ben when I was back on my computer trying to email myself the notes – went right under his fucking nose. He has no idea what he just let me do. Had no problems opening the txt document from my “infected” computer in my email, either.”

Every time he says “infected”, I imagine somebody slipping a condom around a computer.

“I can’t describe to you how it feels to finally be able to get the word out in this post. The nightmare ends here.”

*sequel looms over my shoulders*

OH FUCK OFF YOU.

“That said, do not download ANY of my videos or anything ABOUT my videos – through a Youtube video/audio ripper, a screengrab, whatever.”

… Be right back, going to go screengrab this story while I cackle maniacally.

you shouldn't have done that

 

SOME MEN JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

“I don’t know how he can spread, but I know that just watching them on youtube/reading my text won’t be able to allow him to spread, otherwise he wouldn’t have needed my help in the first place, but I STRONGLY recommend you do not take anything you see streaming online onto your own personal computer.”

Man, BEN is going to hate it on my computer. He’s going to be all, “You shouldn’t have- wow, that is a lot of porn. And- have you ever cleaned your desktop?!”.

“This will be my last posting, I’m putting up on this forum here for the world. If you see any further posts from me, after today’s current date – September 12 – and after the current time – 12:08am – DISCREDIT them.”

Don’t worry, I’ve discredited every single thing you’ve said, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

“It already has proven to me that Ben can access my account/password and manipulate my computer, and like I said I have no idea to what extent it can do this, but know that it will do anything to break free. He is desperate. To ensure your safety, just forget about me. Please.”

CAN DO!

“And obviously this goes without saying, but from here on out do not download ANY images I may have put up, any files, any ANYTHING.”

Yeah, yeah, blah blah, “you could be next”, we get it. Mind wrappin’ this up?

“This fifth day will be my last day, I’m going to burn the cartridge and then come back to destroy my laptop.”

YES! YES, YES, YES! YESITY FUCKING YES! YOU HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE OBVIOUS FUCKING SOLUTION! YOU WIN THE WORLD AWARD FOR FINALLY FIGURING OUT THE FUCKING OBVIOUS! 

“Again, even though I don’t even know you this is sort of bittersweet for me. This semester I really didn’t have any friends, or rather, I stopped paying attention to them.”

Whoa, everything got auto-biographical all of a sudden.

“But I suppose that’s partially to blame because I am the genius who picked to live in a single, I suppose someone to get ahold of me and save me before I got too immersed into this game would have literally saved my life.”

Well, obviously! That would have been a way better-

Wait.

A… single?

Didn’t you have a roommate?

I FUCKING CALLED IT!

“However, it proved too much for me, I’m just glad it happened to me and I could get the warning out so that Ben dies here.”

*sequel hums angrily*

Oh, I swear to god, I will shut you up.

“Lastly, thank you for taking the time to open this and open yourselves up to me by hearing my story, despite maybe not believing me.”

You mean “definitely”, we’re definitely not believing you.

“You didn’t have to do that – really, you shouldn’t have. Your support this entire time has kept me going and now I am finally free of this. Thanks Again, Jadusable.”

Well, at least it has a happy ending!

“…You shouldn’t have done that, Matt. You shouldn’t have done that….”

… Um. Well, that’s… yeah.

happy ending

SO! Finally, finally, FINALLY, we are done BEN FUCKING DROWNED! How was it?

… LONG!

BEN Drowned definitely has sheer length on it’s size, so if you’re a size queen, well, this is definitely for you. It’s definitely believable, and has a certain atmosphere that’s definitely appealing. If you have a few months, sit down, give it a read! It’s definitely the best video gaming Creepypasta I’ve ever read, even despite my bitching. But what let’s it down is how… well, low the stakes are! The story tries it’s best, but at the end of the day, it’s still just an old video game! Hell, we already know his weakness, just drown the whiny fucker!

Actually, that gives me an idea…

wouldn't dare

*whistles innocently*

nooooo

HAND ME THE HOSE!

diiiiick

 

PREVIEW OF THE FUTURE OR MAYBE THE PAST I DUNNO I’M BAD AT TIME TRAVEL

26 Nov

*sing song voice* Woooorking on another video review! Here’s some teasers- or, er, quotes might be the more applicable term, I guess. ANYWAY YEAH FEAR ME I’M GREAT.

“Recently, I have been informed that “reviews are better if the reviewer actually likes movies”. Well, I’ve decided to take this incredibly condescending advice to heart, and from now, I’ve decided to only review great movies! … A shame I’m doing this instead.”

“And hey, this movie just came out in theaters, so this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to reviewing something culturally relevant! … God, that’s depressing.”

“Why is it that we’re only two minutes in, and I already feel like we’ve sat through a fuckload of padding? It’s really a marvel, this opening is actually longer than the movie that it’s in. Non-euclidean editing!”

“Oh right! There’s an actual plot here! And here I thought this was just going to be softcore porn run through a grain thresher.”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘it’s not safe out here’?! It’s an ice cream truck. That drove in the other direction. Unless you think it’s a distraction so he can release a toxic cloud of Rocky Road and rain death on the city, I think we’re safe.”

“Oh, congrats, fucking congratulations, you should get a goddamn award on missing the point entirely. I’d give you a round of applause for your magnificent ability to screw everything up, if I wasn’t afraid you’d join in and somehow liquefy a baby.”

Omegle Is The BEST Pokeyman

25 Nov

… Okay, hopefully this time when I make fun of people on Omegle, I’m not going to step into a big steaming pile of incest rape on my first fucking try.

Ahem!

Explain why Lyra is best pony.

Nah, I’m not really into Pokemon.

boobs or butt

Trust me, when your day job involves sitting around and watching nightmarish German porn, the question becomes less “which is better?”, and more “which one will send you into a blind screaming fit?”.

Im not sure if I am ready for college, but I’m already here. What should I do?

Hmm, I dunno, lemme check Dumbing Of Age.

… I’m not entirely sure that’s applicable advice. Do you have anything else?

… Stick with the McNuggets.

What if you magically grow a penis?

… I would be unto a GOD.

*cue lightning*

why is the sky blue?

Because Half Life 3 is confirmed.

Does having the vagina licked has a significant importance for a gal while fucking ?

Aaaaaand we’re right back into the “give me a steel wool shower” part of the evening.

Have you ever made a porno if so what is the tittle

“Oh God, Where Did That Snake Come From”.

I cut myself a lot tonight, any tips on hiding it from my parents?

SMOKEBOMB!

Girl’s asking if she can spend the night, it may or may not be a shit test, how do i diffuse this?

ALSO SMOKEBOMB!

Confess one of your deepest, darkest secrets.

SMOKEBOOOOOOOMB- er, wait, no, doesn’t quite work here, I take it back.

smokebomb.

Today is apparently Reference Webcomics Day!

 

A MAN’S GOTTA DO

24 Nov

Despite my cold, I have bravely and nobly struggled to make the best and brightest post that I could possibly make! But I’m afraid it’s just too big to post in one day, so I’m going to spread it over an entire year-

[Editor’s Note: You spent the entire day getting high on cough syrup and drawing AT4W fan art, didn’t you.]

YOU ARE NOT PRIVY TO THE INNER WORKINGS OF MY SOUL

cooooooldldldl

23 Nov

why am I so sick this year

why have I found a way to contract every single fucking cold

why am I an idiot baby person

why

why

why

“Why Won’t You Just DROWN Already?!”

22 Nov

So, um, yeah, I have a sudden nasty head cold and can’t finish BEN Drowned today, buuuut I managed to finish some art for it!

let's drown ben

I use “art” in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very generous sense of the word.

Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fourteen

21 Nov

From hell’s heart, I review at thee… WELCOME TO INTERNET CAMPFIRE TALES! WE ARE ALMOST DONE HERE!

internet_campfire_tales

 

Previously, on BEN DrownedEither Jadusable’s little choo-choo has gone around the bend, or BEN is controlling his mind from inside his electronics. Um. Somehow.

Ahem!

September 9, 2010 12:35am – My worst fears confirmed – Ben has tampered with my summary of BEN.wmv. I looked at the summary that I posted on various forums for the BEN.wmv file and parts have been omitted. There is no mention of Ben existing outside the game.”

Eh, say what you will about BEN, but he’s a damn fine editor. Dots all your I’s and crosses your T’s before he’ll swallow your soul!

“There is no mention of the Moon Children.”

The… “Moon Children”?

Are we so sure he didn’t take that bit out to keep you from sounding ridiculous?

“How could he have been that quick to delete the post without me noticing? I’m wondering if maybe it appeared to me that I was posting everything, but in reality Ben was posted his own censored version. I’m going to ask Ben why he did it.”

Well, obviously, BEN is secretly the guy who censors song lyrics on YouTube! IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

“12:50am – He isn’t responding to me on Cleverbot, its just giving the generic responses it usually does, I’m just talking to a bot this time.”

Yeah, yeah, cue the part of the review where I start talking to Cleverbot. Etcetera, etcetera. I gave it a shot, actually, and all she did was offer to buy me the DVDs of Lost.

“1:24am – I think Ben is mad at me.”

At least he didn’t buy you the DVDs of Lost.

“10:43am – The Moon Children appeared in my dreams last night, they lifted up their masks to reveal their hideously disfigured faces – maggots crawling out of their orifices, sunken black holes where their eyes should be, a yellow smile that slowly grew bigger and bigger as they came closer to me.”

Hmm. Nope, still doesn’t work, “Moon Children” just sounds fucking stupid.

[Editor’s Note: You do realize that’s a real thing in Majora’s Mask, right?]

Wait, what?

… Nope, still stupid.

“They told me that they wanted to play. I tried to run from them – but the four children pinned me down to the ground with surprising strength. Over them stood the Happy Mask Salesman, announcing that he had a new mask that he wanted me to try.”

Pssh, can’t be better than my dick mask!

skully

“In his spaztic, sudden movements matching his in-game appearance, he took out a mask of modeled off of someone’s face that I couldn’t recognize – a younger looking face – and handed it to the Moon Children. Giggling, they latched it to my face; their horrible, broken bodies bouncing up and down. Two of them held me down while the other two began to sow the mask onto my face.”

… SEW. S – E – W. Not “sow”. Unless you’re trying to say they planting fucking crops on your face.

“My shrieks and screams caused the Happy Mask Salesman’s face to turn into the most horrific smile I had ever seen.”

Soooo, in other words, every single smile the Happy Mask Salesman has ever had?

“He sporadically moved around, examining this procedure like a curious doctor, in that impossible movement. I flailed around, but it was no use. My eyes rolled in the back of my head because of the pain. It felt so real, but I couldn’t wake up.”

Oh, great, BEN is a fucking dream warrior.

“I couldn’t wake up no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wake up. After the mask was melded onto my flesh they began sowing my legs together, then my arms, the horrific feeling of a needle puncturing your legs and pulling them in, rupturing your achillies tendons and tying them together resonated throughout my entire body.”

Gosh, that’s terrifying. No, not the body horror, the fact that YOU MISSPELLED “SEW” AGAIN YOU BUTTERY COCKMONGER.

“I tried to scream but the mask was pressed so tightly against my face that it was my new face… and my new face had no mouth. I didn’t make a sound.”

I swear to god, if you make me link to the “I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream” page on TV Tropes, I will make you scream out of orifices you didn’t even know you had.

“I tried telling myself in my head that I was dreaming, tried telling myself again and again, and suddenly the Moon Children stopped and looked at me. They just stared. And the Happy Mask Salesman slowly bent down and stared at me, inches away from my face, and grinned when he simply said “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” before the Moon Children resumed with increase vigor.”

You know, my dentist says the exact same thing before every procedure.

“I couldn’t wake up. I couldn’t wake up. It wouldn’t let me wake up until they had crafted me into another elegy statue.”

… Soooo, what’s the most inappropriate thing I could play here?

Eh, that’ll do.

“I woke up sweating, crying, and shaking uncontrollably. I immediately ran to my computer and went for Ben.”

I don’t wanna close my eyes… I don’t wanna fall asleep, ’cause I miss you baby, and I don’t wanna miss a thing…

“9/9/10 Conversation 1

User: Answer me, ben.

Cleverbot: Welcome back.

User: What is the point of doing this, WHY?

Cleverbot: Amusing to see.”

Well, I’m glad SOMEBODY is having a good time.

“User: How?

Cleverbot: Fun to play, fun to toy with you, make you feel safe.”

… Seriously, all that BEN Drowned fan fiction is starting to make a lot of sense.

“User: …

Cleverbot: I wonder how you would have reacted.

User: to what?

Cleverbot: If I hadn’t revealed myself and stayed hidden, only doing little things to play with you. Close out your windows, turn off your computer, move your mouse by itself. Little things. Make you wonder if I am there but you never know. Give you little hints that I am.”

Wow, that would be… mildly more boring than this already is.

“Cleverbot: I wanted to do something different with you.

User: you did this before?

Cleverbot: Yes. And I will do it again.”

Wait, you’re saying there was somebody before me?! I thought you loved me! Who’s the other man?!

… It seems so obvious now.

“User: To who, Ben?

Cleverbot: Hmm.”

Oh thank god, we’ve finally found a way to shut him up.

“User: Did you know Ben?

Cleverbot: Won’t tell that information to you.”

Now the eldritch abomination is getting pissy?

“User: How did Ben die?

Cleverbot: You know.”

… JADUSABLE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ANY MORE.

“User: No, but how did he drown?

Cleverbot: Won’t tell that to you.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: It is reserved for another.”

Fuck me, it’s setting up for a sequel.

“User: Who?

Cleverbot: Another who asks.

User: when

Cleverbot: Later.

(the window is closed)”

Did- did- motherfucker, did you just throw a TANTRUM?

“I’m beginning to think that this “thing” maybe isn’t Ben at all, in its sadistic nature I wouldn’t be surprised if it took the boy’s name after it killed him.”

Maybe, but “BEN” is just so pithy!

“12:04pm – My room is beginning to feel different again. There’s something… out there.. I feel really threatened, like there is something that is trying to reach out to me and strangle me but it can’t quite get there.”

… JUST. LEAVE. THE. ROOM.

NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT!

“12:46pm – I think Ben doesn’t want to play with me anymore. I’ll play again, I’ll play the game again, Ben, can you see this? I’ll play the game again, please, just stop this please please”

So, wait, does this count as the third act break-up?

“1:41pm – I’m going insane trying to decide what is real and what isn’t, is Ben just playing a trick on me or is this for real? Is Ben generating these replies or are people actually posting them? Did I just see that screen flicker or was it my imagination?”

Yeah, I’m about ninety percent certain all of my replies are the product of an eldritch abomination. I’M ON TO YOU, BEN.

BENtastic

(Operation “Learn How To Draw” is still a work in progress, as you could probably tell.)

“Imagine depending on the internet and trusting your eyes for your entire life and then being blinded – you can’t rely on it anymore, you second guess everything. for the brief moments I AM looking at my responses to the videos, people were pointing out things that looked fake or Photoshopped or whatever – and there is literally no way for me to know if Ben changed something on purpose to try and shut me up.”

I’m guessing somewhere out there, there’s a “BEN Drowned” drinking game, in which the only rule is “Drink whenever the problem could be easily solved by turning your computer off”.

There are no survivors.

“Or if maybe those replies were just constructed by Ben to try and discourage me from even reaching out – See, I get fucking caught in an infinite mindfuck loop like this and this is what has been wearing on my sanity and pushing me to the edge. As I’m writing this, there’s no way of even telling if anyone even cares as much as I think they do – just another fucking trick. Is this whole document even exist? Am I writing nothing?”

You’re writing nothing of value, at any rate.

9/9/10 Conversation 2

User: What is it? Whats the point of playing? i die whenever i do anything

Cleverbot: You die because you can’t figure out the secret.”

Not even BEN knows why Apple Jacks don’t taste like apples.

“User: What?

Cleverbot: Thematic.

User: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”

“Thematic”? Oh, balls, everything just got meta.

“Cleverbot: There beauty in your suffering

(the window is closed)

4:09pm – Ben is making me play the game again. It tells me that it has something very important to show me.

6:23pm – (Summary of the DROWNED.wmv playthrough)

9:09pm – (Summary of CHILDREN.wmv playthrough)”

… Am I just stupid, or does “CHILDREN” not actually exist?

[Editor’s Note: Definitely stupid.]

YOU SHUT UP.

“September 10, 2010 11:52am – The DROWNED.wmv playthrough was up when I woke up today. I remember typing it up but I don’t ever remember posting it. He censored it again, there is no mentioning of the old man. I have no voice anymore. I am only posting what he wants me to, I am the mask he uses to disguise himself as he lies.”

Get it?! Get it?! Mask?! Majora’s Mask?! BEN WILL HUNT YOU DOWN SWALLOW YOUR SOUL IF YOU DON’T GET IT!

benipidy

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