Aww, a Creepypasta that loves me? Why, I’m sure this is going to be the cutest scary story around!
[Editor’s Note: So, what, did you MISS the part about the murdering?]
Yeah, I figure this should be as close to my real love life as possible.
… I really should pay somebody to make another Internet Campfire Tales logo- er, I mean, let’s dig in! You know, I think this might actually be the first time we’ve covered a History Creepypasta. Which is weird, because when it’s done right, a History ‘Pasta can be one of the most interesting and fascinating ones there is! I mean, they’re never really scary, but- okay, getting ahead of myself.
“I’m here to talk about a topic I’ve taken interest to lately that never had gotten a lot of media coverage despite how interesting it is.”
We’re barely a sentence in and already the pasta is trying to convince us it’s interesting, that’s… not a good sign.
“The ‘I Love You’ murders. They were a series of five murders. These took place in a large city in Ohio throughout 1962.”
But of course, it was Ohio, so nobody noticed.
“The first in the chain of murders took place on January 20th.”
OH MY GOD THAT IS TODAAAAAAAAAY.
[Editor’s Note: … No it isn’t, today is January 25th.]
… OH MY GOD YOU’RE A HUMORLESS FUCK WHISTLE.
“A woman had been found in an alleyway in the more sketchy part of town. She had been scalped. Not a single strand of her long dark hair had been left behind. It was definitely a very odd M.O.”
Dammit, Elijah Woods! Can you go FIVE MINUTES without scalping anyone?!
“Cause of death was determined to be a stab wound to the back that pierced right through her heart.”
Bon Jovi is prime suspect.
“The only clue left to go on was a note stuffed into her mouth that read “I loved her.” Since there wasn’t anything else to go on, it turned into a cold case.”
Our best men considered reheating the case in the microwave, but upon realization that that would render the justice wet and soggy, they decided to let it go.
“On March 3rd the next body was found. A woman had been beaten to death and was sprawled out across an old set of railroad tracks not too far from downtown.”
We won’t tell you where, but it was just… you know, not too far from downtown. You can guess. We’ve set up a treasure hunt with different murder victims, the winner gets to keep the bodies.
“She had been beaten to death and left very disfigured. She had definitely put up a fight in an attempt to get away. She was missing nails and her head had been slammed against the tracks several times leaving her skull cracked.”
But on the bright side, she’s not in Ohio any more.
“The most disturbing part of this murder is the fact that her crystal blue eyes had been gouged out while she was still alive.”
‘And I know what colour her eyes were, despite them being gouged out, because SMOKEBOMB.’
“There was a note stuffed into her mouth that read “I loved her.” just like the previous murder.”
So, what, was putting it in her pocket too mainstream?
“In mid-July a few teenagers had broken into an abandoned house to drink, but their party had been cut short when they found the body of a woman who had been slaughtered in the back room. Her heart had been literally chiseled from her chest, which was also the cause of death.”
… How could you possibly know what manner of tool removed her heart? Did the killer include it in the note, or… are you saying that she is literally a statue?
“Yet again the now infamous note had been left in the mouth of the victim, but still nothing to go on.”
‘Quick, check all the chisel stores in the city!’
The ultimate in horror?
“Four months later the police were starting to think the killings had finally died down, but their wishful thinking had been put to an immediate halt when the next victim had been found. Two teenagers had broken into an abandoned factory and found the body of a woman who’s face had been carved off.”
This is shaping up to be the weirdest sequel to Face-Off.
“She had also been raped and stabbed several times in the abdomen. She had died from the blood loss. But same as always, nothing but the note left behind.”
Plot Twist: The killer is actually the note.
“The 5th and final murder took place on December 1st. This murder wasn’t like the other’s though. There only things that had been left behind were two green eyes, red hair, a heart, the woman’s face, and that same unsettling note.”
And I’m guessing the cops didn’t pick up on the obvious theme? I mean, come on, guys. The only things left over from the last killing are all the stuff that were missing from the previous murders? He’s obviously putting together some kind of zombie, or possibly a note-golem! Jesus, I haven’t seen such incompetent police work since LA Noire.
I am a dreadful cop.
“In 2007 the killer was finally found but not exactly caught.”
Turns out, we lost him down the couch cushions the whole time.
“The, now old, man had been found dead of natural causes in his home. Months later while his children were clearing out his house in the process to put it on the market they found an old wardrobe with a padlock on it. Thinking it would be filled with nothing more than guns or paperwork, they carelessly cut the lock. The three of his now fully-grown children stood around in awe at what they had found.”
Just… just so many buttplugs…
” A perfectly preserved woman”
Yeah, unless he was a taxidermist, I’m calling bullshit.
“Although it was more like bits and pieces sewn together to make a woman. Taped to the doors on the inside of the wardrobe were pictures that looked to be of their father in his teenage years with a gorgeous woman of about the same age. She had long dark hair and bright blue eyes.. just like the woman in front of them.. –but it didn’t exactly look like the same woman.”
‘My god, she’s made out of chisels.”
“Some features were close but not dead on. At closer examination the words “I Love You” were cut into her lips.”
You could ask why on earth he would do that, but then I would have to break some kneecaps. Anyway, that was The “I Love You” Murders! How was it?
The premise is very cliched, there’s no real emotional connection to our narrator, nor any sense of mystery or danger. But it’s… you know, not terribly written? It’s just kinda… you know, bland, and under-described and doesn’t take advantage of it’s plot points and it’s boring and-
Wait, wait, goddammit, I was trying to be nice to this pasta.